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Editor-In-Chief’s
Note: This is our second eWord story, the first was also published in the Treasury
Management Newsletter, and at least one
bank newsletter. Due to the number of responses we received from our first
effort, it may need some introduction. We had a number of questions about
the eWords we used, and in fact many of them are commonly used. For the
most part, the story was a put on, something fun for us all to
ponder. This is just for laughs, and please feel free to send us your own eWords.
With
all the Webulience1 pervading our lives minute by
minute, it’s enough to make anyone, female or e-male,2 go
Cyberzerk.3
But,
next time you’re “out in the clicks”4 or feel that you
don’t quite have your e-legs5, don’t worry. We’ve all
endured a sense of e-panic6 and felt like an e-diot.7
Remember,
even the professionals who post the sites are enduring a learning curve.
First, they have to have an e-interesting8 idea and enough
e-gotism9 to e-cubate,10 and then e-gnite11.
But, while all this work is to get more e-sales,12 they could
still end up e-draggled13 and penniless. But, that’s OK
because it is e-logical.14
As
a consumer, you must remember that while the Web can be a useful tool, you
must be careful to avoid the pitfalls of becoming an e-lifer.15 Besides
the financial aspects, such as if you spend your time e-travelling16
rather than working, you run the risk of becoming e-toast 17, there are
the practical aspects. For example, if e-pets18 are starting to sound good
and you begin to feel Cy-bereaved19
and e-patient20,you could be in trouble. Probably the most common symptom
is a feeling that your e-dentity 21 is taking over. But it’s not too
late! Unless, that is, you find yourself sitting in front of your monitor
mumbling “E I E I O.”21 1. Being REALLY excited about the
Web. 2. Annoying dude who sits next to you
at coffee shop, online chatting, doing his messaging. 3. Crazed behavior exhibited when
your site goes down, an image takes too long too load, you get
586,487,002,345 hits on AltaVista, or you’re stuck in a Web loop that
just won’t let you out. 4. Similar to being out in the
sticks. A couple wrong turns online and you have no idea where you are. 5. The ability to navigate the Web
without getting nauseous. 6. The feeling you get after you hit
“send” and realize you meant to buy 10 shares, not 10,000. Or, when
you realize you wanted your flight to depart on the 2nd, not the 22nd. 7. Self explanatory (or it should
be). 8. Something that is mundane and
boring in the “real” world but the minute it went online it became
interesting and hip. Examples: accounting programs, tax forms, etc. 9. Belief that your site is better
than others. 10. The time it takes from an idea
for a Web site to the birth of the Web site. 11. The process of drumming up
interest in a Web site or start-up. 12. The future of sales. Gone are the
actual salespeople. Mostly anonymous, consumer driven Web sites are where
customers order products—significantly increasing the profitability of
many companies. 13. What happens when you’re left
in the dust by a competitor’s site 14. It’s illogical in the real word
but logical in the e-world. Examples: companies like Amazon.com who never
post profits. 15. Someone who spends more time
online than on the telephone or socializing with actual human beings. 16. What you are doing when visiting
foreign Web sites or domains out of your local area code, according to Pac
Bell, who has been attempting to have a long-distance tariff placed on
users of the Internet who send e-mail or visit out of area Web sites. 17. What you are when your boss finds
out the amount of time you are on the Internet instead of actually
working. 18. Pets for people who want instant
gratification without investing years of patience and work. (Similar to e-business
for those who want to be instant billionaires without investing years of
patience and work.) 19. Feeling of sadness when you’re
favorite Web site or chat room goes down. 20. The lack of patience developed
when waiting for a Web site to load. 20 seconds! That’s unacceptable! 21. The fake name used when surfing
on the Web. 22. The noises virtual farm animals make.
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